My writer has been stuck inside a biologist. She has been invaded by microbes, bacteria, viruses. Left stifling for breath by TB, HIV leaving her unable to recover. The biologist asks for her help sometimes, and she squeals with excitement at the chance to write seven pages. Even if it is on genetic linkages, it is still linking words.
It's interesting all the ways biology has shown me what I'm made of. While it is clear my writer is written into my genome, is part of every cell of my being, like genes she isn't always allowed to express herself. She is regulated by external repressors: studying, work, friends, events, by having a mere 24 hours in the day. And genes aren't constant either, transducing particles can come in and rewrite, recombine, and suddenly you aren't who you once were. Things are deleted sometimes. After not hearing anything from her for a while, I was scared maybe my writer was one of the lost genes.
However, we also learned that every repressor has an activator that will literally make it fall away. They come in many different forms. This one came in the form of good writing. The repressor fell away, the writer woke up, and although it seems to have recombined with the input of hours of studying microbiology, she was free to express herself.
Repressed she was, but not gone. Thank God.
~Kat
P.S. Many thanks to my activator, MB.
Monday, March 21, 2016
Thursday, January 21, 2016
5 things I wish I knew
In the midst of all the Buzzfeed lists, I swore to myself I would never add to it. But per request (you got it MB), there was no better way to say this. Here are five things I wish I knew or wish I had taken more seriously before starting college:
1.Don’t buy supplies before going to class.
School shopping is one of my favorite things, I love going to Target and getting all my new notebooks and pens and pencils and a cute little pencil bag and folders and binders, stuffing them all in my backpack and heading off to school the first day full of freshly sharpened pencils and erasers with no signs of ever having made a mistake. In college, that was my first mistake. I wasted a lot of money. I showed up the first day, the professor gives out their syllabus and starts their first lecture and suddenly it is abundantly clear that I won’t need a notebook at all, or my lab wants a specific composition book, or that I really just needed an iPad with his power points downloaded and ready to go. So waiting until your first class to buy all those supplies is a good idea. This can go for textbooks too. Some professors don’t use the book, and either they let you know the first day or rate my professor will let you know (that website is a God send). This could end up saving you hundreds of dollars if you ended up not needing a textbook.
2.A good professor makes a huge difference.
I had to take two semesters of organic chemistry. The first semester was hard but I had an adorable little Canadian professor who was young and spritely, had regular office hours, was very patient and always ready to help. I managed to get an A. Second semester I had an older Swedish professor with an attitude even stronger than his accent, had inconvenient office hours times, was impatient, and was always ready for you to go ahead and figure it out yourself. Leave him alone. I somehow got a B, but I also had many panic attacks and trouble eating from the stress. Professors matter big time, and it doesn’t take long on rate my professor for it to be abundantly clear who is a bad egg. If he is the only professor teaching it and you have to take that class, try your hardest to find someone who has taken it already and can tell you their pet-peeves and the best ways to study, etc. Anything would help, don’t be so proud or lazy as to not seek it out.
3.Don’t ditch flashcards.
There are some cool apps out there that can help you study, can make quizzes for you, or you can type yourself up a study guide or what-not, but when it comes down to it, you can’t beat flashcards. They are the best when you need to memorize something hands down. First, the action of writing them gets it in your head once. Second, having a flashcard makes sure that part of the answer is hidden and it does require some recognition on your part (rather than just reading a study guide) which gives your brain more practice recalling a certain fact. Third, when you have some concepts down, you can put those flashcards aside and just drill the ones you don’t have yet. Fourth, they are portable and you’ll look like the coolest kid in school. Don’t redesign the wheel. The wheel already works. Use flashcards.
4.Talk to a professional.
Whatever your idea is for what you want to do after college, talk to someone who is already doing that. I wanted to be a doctor until I talked to a medical school resident, realized I need much more sleep then that, and then followed around a physician assistant in a hospital and realized I really want to spend more time with the patients than doctors do. It took one shift of actually being there and talking with someone for me to see where I would clearly fit. Classes can’t show you what the job will actually be like, and there is no better way for you prepare for that and figure out what you want to do, than being with someone actually doing it. Simple as that. Make the phone call, send the email, talk to that person who knows that guy. Shadow someone, volunteer somewhere, or just have a conversation. It is so worth it, gives you experience with reaching out to people in a professional manner, and if you end up wanting to go into that field, it gives you a reference and starts you out with a little networking.
5.Schedule in what matters.
In high school I can recall times when I would be studying or doing homework, then getting to the bottom of the study guide or whatever, closing the book, and knowing I was done. There was no more schoolwork to be had, I was free. I have never experienced that since entering college, don’t be scared of that, just acknowledge it as fact. If you are the kind of person that has a hard time with that, know that it is more than okay and perfectly sane for you to leave some things undone and is a huge advantage to be able to acknowledge that even though your work is not done, you are done, and any work that you would produce after this point would be gobbledygook anyway. Close the laptop and walk away, it’s okay.
That being said, because college does tend to be busier, you need to figure out what are the things in this world that keep you sane (for me it is time with friends, playing music, writing, reading, etc.) and when it gets busy, schedule that time in. It is so important, and this comes from someone who had an extremely stressful last semester and did not schedule in enough of this time and suffered because of it. Learn from my mistakes.
6.Make good friends.
You need people around you who will hold you accountable to the things in number five. Friends who will help take care of you when you aren't taking care of yourselves, who will build you up and be your cheerleader, but also know when you need to be taken down a step and remind that you aren't the Queen of Sheeba. You need people who you can call for anything. Besides the cutesy stuff, good friends can be strategic too. A good friend to have in college would be an upper classman who is in your major, or someone older than you who can give you a little bit better advice than your friend who is just as young and naive as you. Also having a friend that is younger than you to keep you down to earth will help a lot too. Friends are what get you through, so make sure you aren't wasting your time with bad ones. Be with people who love you.
~Kat
1.Don’t buy supplies before going to class.
School shopping is one of my favorite things, I love going to Target and getting all my new notebooks and pens and pencils and a cute little pencil bag and folders and binders, stuffing them all in my backpack and heading off to school the first day full of freshly sharpened pencils and erasers with no signs of ever having made a mistake. In college, that was my first mistake. I wasted a lot of money. I showed up the first day, the professor gives out their syllabus and starts their first lecture and suddenly it is abundantly clear that I won’t need a notebook at all, or my lab wants a specific composition book, or that I really just needed an iPad with his power points downloaded and ready to go. So waiting until your first class to buy all those supplies is a good idea. This can go for textbooks too. Some professors don’t use the book, and either they let you know the first day or rate my professor will let you know (that website is a God send). This could end up saving you hundreds of dollars if you ended up not needing a textbook.
2.A good professor makes a huge difference.
I had to take two semesters of organic chemistry. The first semester was hard but I had an adorable little Canadian professor who was young and spritely, had regular office hours, was very patient and always ready to help. I managed to get an A. Second semester I had an older Swedish professor with an attitude even stronger than his accent, had inconvenient office hours times, was impatient, and was always ready for you to go ahead and figure it out yourself. Leave him alone. I somehow got a B, but I also had many panic attacks and trouble eating from the stress. Professors matter big time, and it doesn’t take long on rate my professor for it to be abundantly clear who is a bad egg. If he is the only professor teaching it and you have to take that class, try your hardest to find someone who has taken it already and can tell you their pet-peeves and the best ways to study, etc. Anything would help, don’t be so proud or lazy as to not seek it out.
3.Don’t ditch flashcards.
There are some cool apps out there that can help you study, can make quizzes for you, or you can type yourself up a study guide or what-not, but when it comes down to it, you can’t beat flashcards. They are the best when you need to memorize something hands down. First, the action of writing them gets it in your head once. Second, having a flashcard makes sure that part of the answer is hidden and it does require some recognition on your part (rather than just reading a study guide) which gives your brain more practice recalling a certain fact. Third, when you have some concepts down, you can put those flashcards aside and just drill the ones you don’t have yet. Fourth, they are portable and you’ll look like the coolest kid in school. Don’t redesign the wheel. The wheel already works. Use flashcards.
4.Talk to a professional.
Whatever your idea is for what you want to do after college, talk to someone who is already doing that. I wanted to be a doctor until I talked to a medical school resident, realized I need much more sleep then that, and then followed around a physician assistant in a hospital and realized I really want to spend more time with the patients than doctors do. It took one shift of actually being there and talking with someone for me to see where I would clearly fit. Classes can’t show you what the job will actually be like, and there is no better way for you prepare for that and figure out what you want to do, than being with someone actually doing it. Simple as that. Make the phone call, send the email, talk to that person who knows that guy. Shadow someone, volunteer somewhere, or just have a conversation. It is so worth it, gives you experience with reaching out to people in a professional manner, and if you end up wanting to go into that field, it gives you a reference and starts you out with a little networking.
5.Schedule in what matters.
In high school I can recall times when I would be studying or doing homework, then getting to the bottom of the study guide or whatever, closing the book, and knowing I was done. There was no more schoolwork to be had, I was free. I have never experienced that since entering college, don’t be scared of that, just acknowledge it as fact. If you are the kind of person that has a hard time with that, know that it is more than okay and perfectly sane for you to leave some things undone and is a huge advantage to be able to acknowledge that even though your work is not done, you are done, and any work that you would produce after this point would be gobbledygook anyway. Close the laptop and walk away, it’s okay.
That being said, because college does tend to be busier, you need to figure out what are the things in this world that keep you sane (for me it is time with friends, playing music, writing, reading, etc.) and when it gets busy, schedule that time in. It is so important, and this comes from someone who had an extremely stressful last semester and did not schedule in enough of this time and suffered because of it. Learn from my mistakes.
6.Make good friends.
You need people around you who will hold you accountable to the things in number five. Friends who will help take care of you when you aren't taking care of yourselves, who will build you up and be your cheerleader, but also know when you need to be taken down a step and remind that you aren't the Queen of Sheeba. You need people who you can call for anything. Besides the cutesy stuff, good friends can be strategic too. A good friend to have in college would be an upper classman who is in your major, or someone older than you who can give you a little bit better advice than your friend who is just as young and naive as you. Also having a friend that is younger than you to keep you down to earth will help a lot too. Friends are what get you through, so make sure you aren't wasting your time with bad ones. Be with people who love you.
~Kat
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Daily Journal #1
Everyone gets scared a little bit the first time they do something. Trying to climb higher than you ever have, sing louder than ever before, or walk tall into a room of faces you've never seen is scary. But what about a first time in a long time but its actually your bajillionth time and you should be good at this fear? Because that is a very real fear, and its definitely scarier than the first time.
The first time I ever wrote a blog post was almost three years ago now. And that was scary. But then I wrote 46 more that year and it wasn't so bad anymore. Now it's been three months since I've written and much longer since I've written anything I'm truly proud of and trying to sit down here and write for fifteen minutes is daunting. There's an expectation looming over me. This isn't my first rodeo, I should be able to write, and write well.
That expectation sucks, because the first time you do something you can expect to be bad at it. But after you've been considered a pro, and you try to come back, you have the expectation to be a pro, but with the skill of a rookie.
I'm picking up a pen thats ink has gone dry. I'm hoping that if I scribble around and shake it up enough, maybe it will be able to write again.
Fingers crossed
~Kat
The first time I ever wrote a blog post was almost three years ago now. And that was scary. But then I wrote 46 more that year and it wasn't so bad anymore. Now it's been three months since I've written and much longer since I've written anything I'm truly proud of and trying to sit down here and write for fifteen minutes is daunting. There's an expectation looming over me. This isn't my first rodeo, I should be able to write, and write well.
That expectation sucks, because the first time you do something you can expect to be bad at it. But after you've been considered a pro, and you try to come back, you have the expectation to be a pro, but with the skill of a rookie.
I'm picking up a pen thats ink has gone dry. I'm hoping that if I scribble around and shake it up enough, maybe it will be able to write again.
Fingers crossed
~Kat
Friday, August 14, 2015
We Got Time
I started this blog in a place of loss. Some of you may still remember that one of my very first posts, entitled Raw and Retching, was about the poor timing of a series of unfortunate events. I got dumped on my six month-aversary. I got stomach flu on New Year’s Eve. And to tie it all together, I had bought my then boyfriend a watch for Christmas, and proceeded to give it to him after the break up along with a strongly worded poem expressing my frustrations and hoping that this watch will help him with his timing.
The break-up and stomach flu itself was not that bad. We hadn’t been clicking for months, I saw it coming, had even thought about it myself, and the stomach flu probably kept me from doing some pretty irresponsible things on my first New Year’s outside of my own home. No, the experiences themselves were not awful.
What got me so upset, and so inspired, was the poor timing. At the time, my motivation, my number one priority, and my identity was all lodged into that relationship. Once that was gone, so was the rest, and I did not want to deal with it. Not on what would have been our six month, right before Christmas, and in the middle of my junior year of high school. It was not the right time.
Or was it?
After this break-up I had nowhere to sit at lunch anymore, so I wandered into my English class and befriended my teacher. She saw a lot of potential and goodness in me, and inspired me to start this blog. So I did and part of my identity and motivation, that was lost, returned. I was a writer and I had readers.
A few months later I found myself at a youth group where Jason Evert, a national speaker, inspired me to start a six month dating fast. This meant I would not even think about entering into another relationship for at least six months and focus on repairing my self-worth, my identity, and my motivation by making God and spirituality a priority. During this time my faith grew exponentially. I became self-assured. I went on a week long retreat in July that completely changed how I live my life and set my priorities in stone, with God as number one. My identity, my worth, the love and kindness I tried to give, my motivation, and my purpose all came from Him and I could take a deep breath knowing that I had nothing to worry about.
I entered my senior year a transformed person. I was satisfied and filled. The fact that I was single was not in the front of my mind, nor was it a worry or strain. Two months into the school year, I was given Austyn. It all happened fast, and before I knew it I was deeply committed with no looking back. And this time it was different. This time, he isn’t my motivation. Instead he reminds me of what I should be motivated about. He isn’t my sole priority, but instead he wakes me up when he sees my priorities skew. He isn’t my identity, but loves me and supports in what I indentify with.
And whenever I would voice any doubts, his response from the very beginning was always “We got time.”
So yes. Timing is everything, and everything happened according to plan. It just didn’t happen according to mine.
I gave a watch, and was given time.
~Kat
P.S. Thank you, Austyn, for reminding me it had been a while since I had written, and making sure this stays a priority. You're the best.
The break-up and stomach flu itself was not that bad. We hadn’t been clicking for months, I saw it coming, had even thought about it myself, and the stomach flu probably kept me from doing some pretty irresponsible things on my first New Year’s outside of my own home. No, the experiences themselves were not awful.
What got me so upset, and so inspired, was the poor timing. At the time, my motivation, my number one priority, and my identity was all lodged into that relationship. Once that was gone, so was the rest, and I did not want to deal with it. Not on what would have been our six month, right before Christmas, and in the middle of my junior year of high school. It was not the right time.
Or was it?
After this break-up I had nowhere to sit at lunch anymore, so I wandered into my English class and befriended my teacher. She saw a lot of potential and goodness in me, and inspired me to start this blog. So I did and part of my identity and motivation, that was lost, returned. I was a writer and I had readers.
A few months later I found myself at a youth group where Jason Evert, a national speaker, inspired me to start a six month dating fast. This meant I would not even think about entering into another relationship for at least six months and focus on repairing my self-worth, my identity, and my motivation by making God and spirituality a priority. During this time my faith grew exponentially. I became self-assured. I went on a week long retreat in July that completely changed how I live my life and set my priorities in stone, with God as number one. My identity, my worth, the love and kindness I tried to give, my motivation, and my purpose all came from Him and I could take a deep breath knowing that I had nothing to worry about.
I entered my senior year a transformed person. I was satisfied and filled. The fact that I was single was not in the front of my mind, nor was it a worry or strain. Two months into the school year, I was given Austyn. It all happened fast, and before I knew it I was deeply committed with no looking back. And this time it was different. This time, he isn’t my motivation. Instead he reminds me of what I should be motivated about. He isn’t my sole priority, but instead he wakes me up when he sees my priorities skew. He isn’t my identity, but loves me and supports in what I indentify with.
And whenever I would voice any doubts, his response from the very beginning was always “We got time.”
So yes. Timing is everything, and everything happened according to plan. It just didn’t happen according to mine.
I gave a watch, and was given time.
~Kat
P.S. Thank you, Austyn, for reminding me it had been a while since I had written, and making sure this stays a priority. You're the best.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
An Experience
“So how was your first year?”
Whenever I was asked this question I would respond, “It was great!” Then I would proceed to list off my evidence as to why my freshman year of college was great. I met some really nice people, people with very different perspectives than mine that opened my eyes. I learned a ton, and was challenged, but didn’t die. Being a commuter was actually really awesome because I didn’t have to deal with dorming and could sleep whenever I wanted and eat home-cooked meals. I also got to stay in touch with a lot of my friends that stayed in town.
I think most people’s response when asked about their first year is pretty similar to mine. All of our first years were great! At this point, it’s like a conditioned response. It had to be great, because no one wants to hear otherwise, right? And if it wasn’t great, why would I tell you that? I don’t want a pity-party. I want to be able to tell you that it was great, that I did awesome things, and got that internship, and yea, I did go to that party. Aren’t you so happy for me?
But here’s the part where we run into trouble. It’s the summer after our first year, we are seeing people that we hadn’t seen in months, and you ask them, “How was your first year?” And what do they tell you?
“It was great!”
Then they list all the great things they did their first year of college, and your thinking, well crap. Their year sounds awesome. I didn’t go to Mexico for Spring Break. I didn’t slip and slide down the hallway of my dorm. I didn’t go to my homecoming football game or meet 30 of my best friends in my awesome new sorority.
I can count the number of friends I made my freshman year on one hand. I didn’t go to any parties. I was actually pretty reclusive, being a commuter. I didn’t want to have to drive out there more than I had to, so I didn’t join any clubs. My best friend moved across the country and keeping in touch with her was really hard, and I missed her a lot. Classes would become difficult, I would be tired, have a pain in the butt teacher that doesn’t know how to use Blackboard, be overloaded with work, and come weekend I was ready for a girl’s night and my girl was in a different time zone. I would forget to eat. My piano didn’t get its fair share of action, and it wasn’t the only keyboard that was getting dusty. I didn’t write not only because of a lack of time but a lack of inspiration. My second semester was an emotional roller coaster, with Organic Chemistry almost gutting me of all my carbon-based energy sources and I think I might have actually been a little depressed for a little while there.
But we don’t say all that, do we? Our freshman years were awesome. Mine was great. And yours was just as “great” as mine.
“So what is the college experience? What is it like?”
To all those heading off in a few weeks for their freshman year, don’t let this discourage you. This wasn’t meant to be a discouragement, but an encouragement. You’re freshman year will be a change, and most likely a good one with lots of firsts and beautiful memories made. Mine definitely was that. But your freshman year will not be perfect, it will be about as perfect as anyone’s freshman year is. You will come home for winter break and people will ask you how your first semester went. And you will answer them that it was great. And sometimes it will be difficult to come up with your evidence of why it was great.
But take courage, because everyone’s freshman year was just as “great” as yours. You’re not alone in that. People hype up the college experience, and I think that’s not really fair to do. College is an experience. And that is all.
The best that we can do is enjoy what we can enjoy, and accept what we can't as just a part of it.
~Kat
Saturday, July 25, 2015
I Don't Do Sadness
I work as a waitress at a dive bar; literally, there is an old diving suit in the entryway. Our uniforms have the slogan “get your ship together” printed across the back, and about five months ago, I was sitting in my car before my shift sobbing. I walked in with puffy eyes and a big how-do-you-do smile. A few months later I was crying yet again in my car, driving home from the airport. I went in to work that afternoon with my ship together and swore I would never cry at work again. I broke that promise when I had to ask for a day off to go to a funeral. After that I gave up.
I feel like sometimes I treat sadness like a disease. It’s something to be contained and controlled. I definitely don't want to go out if I know I have it, should it to spread to anyone else. I have many remedies to make it go away, and I take precautions to keep it away.
It took a children’s movie to show me that I was wrong. Sadness in Pixar’s Inside Out was a very troubled little character. She was constantly outshined by Joy. As things were heading into turmoil, it was even more important that Sadness stayed contained.
When my boyfriend went across the country for a summer job, I tried to fill my days with as much Joy as I could. I surrounded myself with friends, tried to plan every second of every day with fun activities, made sure that I was plenty busy with work and school. I did have fun, I was busy, but at the end of the day I would come home and all I would want to do was tell him about it. I just wanted to sit with him. I would be on a hike or watching the sunset and would be thinking about how much he would enjoy being here right now. I would say a stupid joke and could see his eyes rolling. I would be craving Thai food, which I didn’t even like before he made me try it, and suddenly I would just be hungry for him. Joy could try her hardest, could use every trick in the book, and it wouldn’t make me miss him any less.
And this makes me sad. But what this new kid’s movie taught me was that Sadness was okay. Sadness is not a disease to be contained or protected against. Sometimes there are things that Joy cannot reach and overcome, and the only thing left is Sadness. Sometimes Sadness just needs to do her thing, and after an hour of crying, you actually somehow feel better.
It doesn’t mean that I am weak or broken. Even Jesus cried. When He had heard that one of His close friends Lazarus had died, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Some things are worth admitting that you are not strong enough, some things are worth breaking for. It means we are alive and human. Missing someone isn’t so bad, because it means you have someone worth missing.
In the end, it wasn’t Joy that brought her home. It was Sadness.
~Kat
I feel like sometimes I treat sadness like a disease. It’s something to be contained and controlled. I definitely don't want to go out if I know I have it, should it to spread to anyone else. I have many remedies to make it go away, and I take precautions to keep it away.
It took a children’s movie to show me that I was wrong. Sadness in Pixar’s Inside Out was a very troubled little character. She was constantly outshined by Joy. As things were heading into turmoil, it was even more important that Sadness stayed contained.
When my boyfriend went across the country for a summer job, I tried to fill my days with as much Joy as I could. I surrounded myself with friends, tried to plan every second of every day with fun activities, made sure that I was plenty busy with work and school. I did have fun, I was busy, but at the end of the day I would come home and all I would want to do was tell him about it. I just wanted to sit with him. I would be on a hike or watching the sunset and would be thinking about how much he would enjoy being here right now. I would say a stupid joke and could see his eyes rolling. I would be craving Thai food, which I didn’t even like before he made me try it, and suddenly I would just be hungry for him. Joy could try her hardest, could use every trick in the book, and it wouldn’t make me miss him any less.
And this makes me sad. But what this new kid’s movie taught me was that Sadness was okay. Sadness is not a disease to be contained or protected against. Sometimes there are things that Joy cannot reach and overcome, and the only thing left is Sadness. Sometimes Sadness just needs to do her thing, and after an hour of crying, you actually somehow feel better.
It doesn’t mean that I am weak or broken. Even Jesus cried. When He had heard that one of His close friends Lazarus had died, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Some things are worth admitting that you are not strong enough, some things are worth breaking for. It means we are alive and human. Missing someone isn’t so bad, because it means you have someone worth missing.
In the end, it wasn’t Joy that brought her home. It was Sadness.
~Kat
Saturday, May 23, 2015
A Few Farewells
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..."
"A time to tear down, and a time to build..."
It had many names. It was born a Volvo, but soon it was Mommy's car. Boosters in the back, it's cushions coughed cookies and quarters, sand in every seat, it was a true kid car. This hatchback carried groceries, soccer balls, beach toys, but most importantly it carried a family through its beginnings. My sister and I hatched back there. Then when it was our turn to fly, it became the Driving Instructor. It whined at every stop and wheezed to a start. It taught us never to speed, shaking us back to our senses whenever we neared 70 mph. When it was finally mine, it became Kat's Cradle. It held me through rain storms, it absorbed 5 surfboards, could bear an entire band of guitars and amps and mic stands. It watched me fall in love for the first time. It was carrying my love and I to the cheapest bowling alley in town. It absorbed a Nissan at 65 mph into the precious passenger's side. It watched us walk away, without a scratch. It did its job, but it would bear no more.
Farewell.
"A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them..."
My love walked out of that car so he can walk into a plane, to an opportunity worth living for. I am walking into a summer of letters, long-distance phone calls, and shortness of breath as I wait for my heart to return. Distance is scary. We're told distance stretches the heart like taffy. The farther it stretches, the easier it breaks. But I think that is wrong. I think the heart is more like a rubber-band; strong, made to handle a little strain, and home in a snap. Just like a rubber-band, we will hold it together.
It's also graduation, a time for scattering. But don't fret. We will all hold it together. And until it is time to gather again we say:
I love you, farewell. For now.
"A time to be silent and a time to speak..."
It has been seven months since I have written anything, which was scary. I thought maybe I was saying farewell to writing. Maybe I would never be able to again. But the past semester was only a time of silence. Biology and chemistry left me speechless. But now,the changing season has brought not only a freedom of time but a freedom of mind. I am back again. Just as easily and quickly as when I left. Through the distance, I held it together.
"What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
Seasons change, and that's okay. "There is a season for every activity under the heavens." Every activity, even the sad ones, the ones we don't feel like doing, the ones that leave us tired. This is not a bad thing. These seasons have a purpose. It is easy to lose faith when something doesn't go our way. I lost mine along the way. And with it I lost myself. Everything was harder to bear. Days became long and arduous. I could catch myself asking, what was the point? "What do workers gain from their toil?" From all the difficulty, do we gain anything at all?
The answer is of course we do. Graduates, when you walked across the stage, were you still thinking all your hard work was for nothing? No. When architects finish a building, and walk through the lobby, are they thinking about how much of a waste all those sleepless nights were? No.
When you can see the fruits, all labor is made worth while. So have faith that the fruits will come with time. "He has made everything beautiful in its time."
Keeping faith is hard, I know, but not having any is definitely harder.
~Kat
"A time to tear down, and a time to build..."
It had many names. It was born a Volvo, but soon it was Mommy's car. Boosters in the back, it's cushions coughed cookies and quarters, sand in every seat, it was a true kid car. This hatchback carried groceries, soccer balls, beach toys, but most importantly it carried a family through its beginnings. My sister and I hatched back there. Then when it was our turn to fly, it became the Driving Instructor. It whined at every stop and wheezed to a start. It taught us never to speed, shaking us back to our senses whenever we neared 70 mph. When it was finally mine, it became Kat's Cradle. It held me through rain storms, it absorbed 5 surfboards, could bear an entire band of guitars and amps and mic stands. It watched me fall in love for the first time. It was carrying my love and I to the cheapest bowling alley in town. It absorbed a Nissan at 65 mph into the precious passenger's side. It watched us walk away, without a scratch. It did its job, but it would bear no more.
Farewell.
"A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them..."
My love walked out of that car so he can walk into a plane, to an opportunity worth living for. I am walking into a summer of letters, long-distance phone calls, and shortness of breath as I wait for my heart to return. Distance is scary. We're told distance stretches the heart like taffy. The farther it stretches, the easier it breaks. But I think that is wrong. I think the heart is more like a rubber-band; strong, made to handle a little strain, and home in a snap. Just like a rubber-band, we will hold it together.
It's also graduation, a time for scattering. But don't fret. We will all hold it together. And until it is time to gather again we say:
I love you, farewell. For now.
"A time to be silent and a time to speak..."
It has been seven months since I have written anything, which was scary. I thought maybe I was saying farewell to writing. Maybe I would never be able to again. But the past semester was only a time of silence. Biology and chemistry left me speechless. But now,the changing season has brought not only a freedom of time but a freedom of mind. I am back again. Just as easily and quickly as when I left. Through the distance, I held it together.
"What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
Seasons change, and that's okay. "There is a season for every activity under the heavens." Every activity, even the sad ones, the ones we don't feel like doing, the ones that leave us tired. This is not a bad thing. These seasons have a purpose. It is easy to lose faith when something doesn't go our way. I lost mine along the way. And with it I lost myself. Everything was harder to bear. Days became long and arduous. I could catch myself asking, what was the point? "What do workers gain from their toil?" From all the difficulty, do we gain anything at all?
The answer is of course we do. Graduates, when you walked across the stage, were you still thinking all your hard work was for nothing? No. When architects finish a building, and walk through the lobby, are they thinking about how much of a waste all those sleepless nights were? No.
When you can see the fruits, all labor is made worth while. So have faith that the fruits will come with time. "He has made everything beautiful in its time."
Keeping faith is hard, I know, but not having any is definitely harder.
~Kat
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