I got the word squirts. They just keep coming, and I can't type fast enough to make them form coherent sentences. I don't even really know what I want to say. I guess I'm just excited.
People always seem to be in disbelief when I say I'm terrible at talking. I'm just not good with words, and putting them together orally. They assume that because I can write, then I should be able to speak too. This is a common misconception. Because writing is completely different. People don't speak like they write, although sometimes my writing does come off as conversational. But with writing you can go back and fix and delete. You have time to think of the most eloquent diction and syntax to best convey the point of your sentence. For example, I just rewrote that last sentence 3 times before I deemed it fit. Writing is like choreography, it's beautiful, and it's all planned out down to the beat. Onetwothree onetwothree onetwothree. It's very different than free-style improvisational dance, and requires a different set of skills. Same with forming sentences.
Writing is my way of being able to make a connection. Even when I speak in sentences to someone, I write it out in my head first, edit the things I want to say, and then say it. Unfortunately, most of the time the sentence arrives a beat too late and is no longer relevant. But hey, it was a good sentence. Katherine can speak words.
But even still there are some things I can not explain in words typed up on my screen. Not even on this "New Post" screen, where all my best writing seems to come to life. That's when I turn to music. It's why when I initially pulled up this screen to write about my day and why it was so wonderful, eye-opening, free, I came at a loss for words. I can't really explain sufficiently what happened today at the San Diego Zoo as I was walking through jungles with one of my best friends, just being able to talk about whatever comes to mind and with out limits in the midst of such a beautiful place. It fails to express how I even came to be such good friends with this person who seems just way to cool to ever want to hang out with me, but there we were anyway. It's realizing that ya know, his shit does stink just as bad as mine. And why realizing that was such a relief to me. I can't explain in words why that happened. Or how I felt tonight at this bonfire with a group of some of the best people I have ever met and love so much, and as we all circled around and all took turns to send off our Senior to college. I can't explain the love, the closure, the pride I felt as we all shared things we love about him, my ex-boyfriend. It reminded me why we went out in the first place, how he truly was one of my best friends, and what a shame it is that we've fallen out of touch, because I do still consider him a dear friend. I do still love the guy. I can't explain all those things sufficiently with words. And how all those things can be experienced all at the same time.
Music eliminates the middle man (words) and brings you straight into the emotion. And its not just a representation like words can be. For example I can tell you how good this piece of cake tastes, but you wouldn't actually be tasting it. Music makes you actually experience things first hand. You feel it. And everyone can feel it. There is no language barrier in music. There isn't a time barrier too. It never ceases to amaze me how I can play Clair de Lune (my favorite song) today on my piano at home and hear and feel and experience the same thing that Debussy experienced and felt in France just over a century ago.
It kind of blows my mind. It's like time travel.
So today was just a great day. I have so much love in my heart right now, and I wish I could share it with everybody because I know not everyone is feeling as great as I am right now. So in an attempt to share a little slice of heaven with you all, here is as close as I can take you right now. Just take a deep breath, open this video, and just listen. Stop everything else you're doing and listen. And you will be transported back to a French village in 1890 where there is dancing, victorious love, and the opportune life. Where they can't seem to believe their happiness. And song mingles with the moonlight: Clair de Lune.
Enjoy
~Kat
P.S. Happy birthday Ms. Beltran. I owe a great deal of my happiness to you. And I wish all of it upon you, hope it was a good one <3
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