We Got Time

I started this blog in a place of loss. Some of you may still remember that one of my very first posts, entitled Raw and Retching, was about the poor timing of a series of unfortunate events. I got dumped on my six month-aversary. I got stomach flu on New Year’s Eve. And to tie it all together, I had bought my then boyfriend a watch for Christmas, and proceeded to give it to him after the break up along with a strongly worded poem expressing my frustrations and hoping that this watch will help him with his timing.

The break-up and stomach flu itself was not that bad. We hadn’t been clicking for months, I saw it coming, had even thought about it myself, and the stomach flu probably kept me from doing some pretty irresponsible things on my first New Year’s outside of my own home. No, the experiences themselves were not awful.

What got me so upset, and so inspired, was the poor timing. At the time, my motivation, my number one priority, and my identity was all lodged into that relationship. Once that was gone, so was the rest, and I did not want to deal with it. Not on what would have been our six month, right before Christmas, and in the middle of my junior year of high school. It was not the right time.

Or was it?

After this break-up I had nowhere to sit at lunch anymore, so I wandered into my English class and befriended my teacher. She saw a lot of potential and goodness in me, and inspired me to start this blog. So I did and part of my identity and motivation, that was lost, returned. I was a writer and I had readers.

A few months later I found myself at a youth group where Jason Evert, a national speaker, inspired me to start a six month dating fast. This meant I would not even think about entering into another relationship for at least six months and focus on repairing my self-worth, my identity, and my motivation by making God and spirituality a priority. During this time my faith grew exponentially. I became self-assured. I went on a week long retreat in July that completely changed how I live my life and set my priorities in stone, with God as number one. My identity, my worth, the love and kindness I tried to give, my motivation, and my purpose all came from Him and I could take a deep breath knowing that I had nothing to worry about.

I entered my senior year a transformed person. I was satisfied and filled. The fact that I was single was not in the front of my mind, nor was it a worry or strain. Two months into the school year, I was given Austyn. It all happened fast, and before I knew it I was deeply committed with no looking back. And this time it was different. This time, he isn’t my motivation. Instead he reminds me of what I should be motivated about. He isn’t my sole priority, but instead he wakes me up when he sees my priorities skew. He isn’t my identity, but loves me and supports in what I indentify with.

And whenever I would voice any doubts, his response from the very beginning was always “We got time.”

So yes. Timing is everything, and everything happened according to plan. It just didn’t happen according to mine.

I gave a watch, and was given time.

~Kat

P.S. Thank you, Austyn, for reminding me it had been a while since I had written, and making sure this stays a priority. You're the best.